Tony An Opens Up About His Struggles with Severe Depression

Tony An (토니안), a former member of the iconic K-pop group H.O.T, has bravely shared his harrowing experiences with severe depression that led him to a dangerous state. Once thriving as a celebrity entrepreneur, Tony faced a serious decline in his mental health due to his struggles with depression.

In the upcoming episode of SBS's Miun Our Baby (미운 우리 새끼), hosts Lee Sang-min (이상민) and Kim Heechul (김희철) visit Tony's dramatically transformed home. Both hosts were left speechless by the changes in Tony's lifestyle, prompting him to reveal the critical reasons behind his lifestyle overhaul, which has piqued public interest about his past.

After ending a long-term cohabitation with Kim Jae-deok (김재덕), Tony has finally moved out on his own for the first time in 17 years. He also candidly confessed the reasons behind his hesitation to marry, revealing that he has four mothers and that his father's influence has made him wary of marriage.

Tony's revelations about his severe depression were particularly shocking, as he disclosed that he was found with blood on his pillow and had shaved his head during a particularly dark period.

Previously, in November of last year, Tony appeared on the YouTube channel New Beginnings (새롭게하소서 CBS) where he discussed his struggles. After the disbandment of H.O.T, he ventured into business, stating, "I had two businesses: a school uniform company and an entertainment venture. I made unimaginable amounts of money and thought everything was perfect. I felt recognized as both a singer and a businessman, but that’s when my life began to crumble."

He continued, "I can’t pinpoint the exact reason, but I felt incredibly lonely. As the head of my company, I felt I had to bear everything alone, which distanced me from those around me."

Tony recounted how he began experiencing severe headaches, taking up to eight Tylenol pills a day without relief. A friend suggested he visit a psychiatrist, leading to a diagnosis of depression, bipolar disorder, and social anxiety, for which he received extensive medication. While the headaches subsided, he felt increasingly powerless.

"I lost the desire to do anything. Money felt burdensome, eating felt burdensome, and life itself felt burdensome. I worked but spent my time in a daze, and negative thoughts consumed me. I began to question the meaning of life and even contemplated death. I lived on a high floor and often imagined what it would be like to jump."

Tony also shared a chilling incident where he mixed alcohol with medication and woke up feeling damp. He instinctively checked his wrists and found them unharmed, but his bed was soaked in blood. He had no memory of the events leading up to that moment. He discovered that he had cut his hair too short and accidentally nicked his ear, causing the bleeding.

In a worrying moment, he received a call from his building manager, who expressed concern for his well-being after hearing that he had broken a mirror in the elevator.

Despite these struggles, Tony revealed that he found strength through faith. He shared, "One day, I read a book called Letting Go by missionary Lee Yong-kyu (이용규), which a fan had gifted me. I finished it in half a day, and suddenly my depression lifted, and I felt hope."

Tony An's journey of overcoming mental health challenges through faith has garnered significant attention, and viewers are eager to hear more about his story on Miun Our Baby (미운 우리 새끼).